Helping Couples in NYC Get their Relationships Back on Track with Targeted Therapy
At times intimacy gets blocked, preventing couples from feeling authentically close to each other. Many things can cause this – from communication difficulties and financial conflicts to control issues and behavioral addictions to infidelity. As a licensed therapist with an office in Manhattan, I help heterosexual and LGBTQ couples throughout NYC reconnect, move their relationships forward, or amicably end the relationship.
In our therapy sessions, you will learn skills to build intimacy and connection, while maintaining your self-identity and respect. We will focus on patterns of behavior that create conflict and explore each partner’s expectations.
You will learn tools to help you negotiate differences and solve problems, along with skills for clear, non-blaming communication.
Recovering the Relationship after Infidelity
Overcoming infidelity is one of the most difficult relationship issues and according to statistics, it is quite common. Although it is difficult to get accurate self-reporting data on this subject, at least 20% of LGBTQ and heterosexual men admit to having cheated on their partner or spouse, and about 15% of women also admit affairs. Many experts believe that approximately 65% of partners in long term relationships or marriages have at least one affair.
Most Common Reasons Given for Cheating and Infidelity
1. Emotional Neglect
A person is more likely to seek out an affair if they feel their partner is not providing the emotional support and validation they want. Boredom and resentments are normal occurrences in long term relationships, suggesting what we all suspect–that familiarity with a long term partner where intimate communications about feelings are rare and resentments frequent make fantasy, excitement and passion very difficult to experience with that partner.
2. Insecurity and Esteem Issues
Issues of emotional insecurity and esteem are often linked to cheating. Affairs offer the rewards of attention, including feelings of being wanted and valued, assurances of attraction and expressions of desirability.
3. Using Relational and Sex Theory Therapy, I Help Couples:
- 1. Uncover the Cause or Event of the Betrayal – How did you get to where you are? Here we will explore the facts of the betrayal itself, relational history of the partners, styles of communication including denial and blaming and finally sex history.
- 2. Find Insight – What patterns of thinking and behavior can we identify? Each partner will learn to explore their own feelings of hurt, resentment, forgiveness or empathy. Sometimes betrayal opens the door to more understanding, better communication skills and closer intimacy over time in the relationship.
- 3. Visualize Your Future Relationship – Hurts from betrayal take a long time to heal. Can you re-imagine your relationship to yourself and each other? Can you redefine your boundaries, talk openly about your goals and fantasies integrating the history of your relationship into a new one with more meaningful connection to each other?
Some Questions We Can Focus on in Couples Therapy for Infidelity
• How does each partner define cheating?
• Is it cheating if one person only imagines being with someone else?
• What are the rules about flirting?
• Is it ok to flirt with someone at work?
• What would be a safe way to talk about flirting?
• What constitutes an emotional affair?
• Is watching pornography cheating?
• What if one partner doesn’t feel aroused immediately when sex occurs?
• How do you tell a partner if something turns you on or off?
• Can you talk to each other about coming back together to try and reconnect?